Tom's pain?
by jameron4eva
Summary: When B'Elanna makes a choice, what are the concequences, and what will the result be? Set season 7, any and all reviwes are welcome, and please read my Tscc storys.Only M for death thoughts.


This is a Voyager specific fan fic. What would happen if the only person that could help Tom, was the one that couldn't? It's set just after Tom and B'Elanna's wedding, but just before she found out she was pregnant. Obviously au, but hey that's the way we play the game. To get the mood for Tom's feelings, you need to listen to "DEAD MEMORIES' by Slipknot. Oh for all my Tscc fans, KEEP THE DREAM ALIVE, PICK IT UP FOR SEASON 3!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and Voyager is owned by paramount, will we get a Voyager movie, enough with Kirk and his crew already, good show, movies, but we need a new start.

Voyager, Delta Quadrant 0800, Paris quarters,

Tom couldn't believe it, he got home at around midnight, after a long day of flying. When he arrived home, he was greeted by B'Elanna, quickly exiting handing him a piece of paper. That encounter, had broken his heart, because on the paper, was a notification of intent to divorce. So, as the pilot's shift started, it was odd to every one on the bridge that he was not there.

"Mr. Paris, it's 10 after 8 in the morning, are you awake?" came the voice of Tuvok. When he heard that he jumped up and answered it, although he felt hollow inside, "Sorry I just kind of, I'll be up there shortly, Paris out." Every one on the bridge, noticed the hollowness in his voice, "Harry, did you," that was Chakotay. "Yes, I did, it sounded as if," Harry was stopped, as Tom get to his seat.

They all looked at his appearance, shirt barely tucked in, hair mussed up like he had not showered, and blood shot eyes. That scarred all of them, Kathryn asked him, "Tom, what's wrong with you?" At this Tom snapped at her, "Captain, don't presume to know a thing! I am requesting to be relieved of duty, effective immediately." This revelation jolted every one on the bridge, note that B'Elanna was not there. "Tom, are you sure?" Janeway asked him. Tom looked like he had no soul left, his will was gone.

All he did to answer her was nod his head 'yes'. "Fine, computer put into log that Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris, " They all held there breaths, except for Tom. "Has been relieved of duty, at 0820 hours." Tom looked like he was slightly relieved, he then got that hollow look again and left the bridge.

Just as Tom's turbolift doors closed, another set opened, and B'Elanna came through. "What's wrong?' she said to all of them, they turned there heads, and say the look on her face, like Tom's but she was in control. "'Lanna, do you know what's gotten to Tom, he just requested to be relieved of duty, he REQUESTED!"

When he got back to his room, Tom got undressed, and changed into the darkest civvies he had. He didn't feel like he should be happy, 'not with her gone,' he thought. He just looked for hours at the pictures of him, her, the happy times. He smiled, 'no we didn't have the best, um, relationship, but I thought we had worked it out'. All he felt like doing was to lay there and die.

"You. Did. WHAT!?" An incredulous Harry screamed at her. "I said, 'I got a divorce' that clear enough for you?" B'Elanna said to him in response, "No, because I just saw a man who thinks he has nothing to live for, you didn't even tell him did you?" Harry responded. 'Damn you Harry,' she thought.

Thomas Paris looked in the mirror, oh sure his friends had tried to get in. They almost succeed to, but he had made sure he melted the door to the wall, so he could be alone. ' Damn, ' he thought, 'my whole worlds ended, and I think I would just,' Just then he noticed the red coming from the door.

"NO!" he screamed as he brought his welding tool, something he created to lock himself in. And proceeded to put more, and yet more welds on the door. "Tom," he heard the voice,"You have to let us in, we want to help you." He tapped his Comm badge, not caring if every one heard him. "No, Harry, it's better this way, at least I can die like I feel, cold, alone."

And with that he realized that they would not stop till he came out, so he said. "Sorry guys, I, " he mulled over his next words, then he chose them. "Harry tell every one I said goodbye." Little did he know that his voice rang through out the ship, his goodbye. His words reached the Doctors, just as the EMH told B'elanna the good news.

"B'elanna, congrats you are pregnant." B'elanna felt like she was about to cry she was having Tom's child. And this revelation just days after breaking his heart, and thus alienating all her friends.

Then they heard tom say "…Goodbye." The EMH looked to her like he was about to break down. "Why, why did you do that to him?" this was a question she thought about a lot the last few days. "I, I, I don't know, I guess it's just stupid Klingon pride." Then she punched the wall, "Damn, why did I do that to him, I was so stupid." Just as the doctor was about to respond, an urgent call a urgent call reached them.

'Well, this is the end, the end of Thomas Eugene Paris, the man who couldn't even keep his wife' All these thoughts entered his mind as he felt the life drip out of him. He knew that they would ultimately succeed in getting through his door, so he grabbed his razor, the real one. And he sat down next to the door, so they would see it as it dripped out of him. He thought long about how to end it all, grotesquely, heroically, all the choices before him and he chose the least special.

As he sat there, his blood draining from the at least 2 inch long slices in his wrist he thought,'No pain, a perfect, painless death, death from self induced blood loss' he stifled a laugh. And he joined in with the chorus.

_Sitting in the dark, I can't forget,_

_Even now, I realize the time I'll never get,_

_Another story of the bitter pills of fate,_

_I can't go again, I can't go back again',_

_But you asked me to love you and I did,_

_Traded my emotions for a contract to commit,_

_And when I got away, I only got so far, _

_The other me is dead,_

_I hear his voice inside my head,_

_We were never alive, and we won't be born again,_

_But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart,_

Tom knew it wouldn't be long now, he felt his world slipping, and his vision hazed. His last known thought was, 'Man, so this is what death feels like, like everything is alright,' Then he saw an angel bust his door in,and then the darkness enveloped him, into it's slumber.

She had ran from the doctors to Tom's room in record time, she ignored the stares every one gave her. She had one single purpose, to get to Tom's. When she arrived she saw them, still trying to break in, then Harry noticed her. "What are you doing here, you don't even care about him, or else you wouldn't have left him!" She looked him in the eye, "Harry, that morning me and him had a fight, I accidentally hit him, I thought that it was to dangerous for him to be with meand,"

Harry cut her off, "And you thought breaking his heart would keep him safe?" He knew his words were way out of line, but they were out before he could stop them. He saw the look of hurt in her face and started, "B'Elanna, I'm sorry you didn't," she cut him off. "No Harry I did, you were right, I don't know what I was thinking." Then they heard his voice going in tune with the song," Harry if save him, I'll try to make things up to him, to all of you."

From behind her the rest of the crew came out, "B'Elanna, were sorry, for what we did to you, but we didn't think, didn't ask for reasons, let's try to save Tom." Chakotay said. And without prompting B'elanna punched the door until it opened. She rushed in just as his eyes closed, and for the first time she saw what he did to himself. The sight made her gasp as the rest of the crew followed suit.

Thinking quickly, she picked him up and carried him to the medbay, the doctor wasn't abel to leave the bay because his emitter started acting up. As she arrived at the bay the doctor looked to her, and saw the limp form of Tom Paris. "Get him on the bed, HURRY!" And B'Elanna did as she was told, she get Tom there before the doctor could even get a hypospray.

_Ten days later,_

They all were sitting around Tom's biobed telling jokes. "Man, that was the best look, remember B'Elanna, that day he stumbled around the answer, all the while trying not to look at you!" Then Harry fell down, as she laughed hard as well. " Man," she said as they got back their breaths, "look I'm sorry for how I acted, I guess I over worry about things." Then she looked to Tom, "Had I not done that, he might not be in a coma right now, if you guys ever see me starting that again," she said returning her gaze to her friends. " I want you to punch me in the face, hard!"

As soon as she said that, they heard a laugh. "You know, if I wasn't convinced I was dead," Tom paused as his wrist gave him a new pain. When it subsided he continued, this time they all surrounded him, his lover in his biggest field of view. "Then I would say that I'm still alive and there are no angels waiting for me." He laughed as they looked relieved, all but B'Elanna. "Guys, let me and B'Elanna talk, that's all I'll do for days any way." As they pilled out, they looked at her as if to say, 'don't hurt him again' then they left.

"So," Tom began, trying not to focus on the woman who had hurt him so badly, he had almost killed him self. "So," she said, all the guilt of the last two weeks coming back full force. "Tom, there is no easy way to say this but," She had his full attention, "Tom, I was wrong, I need you more than any thing, I just didn't find out till it was almost to late." She hated it when he gave her that comforting expression, she didn't fell like it, it was her fault she had almost died. And she proceeded to tell him the turmoil that engulfed her on that day.

As she finished she said, "Tom, I don't expect you to forgive me, or take me back, but." He silenced her with a look. "Bell, Bell, I would never ever not forgive you, I love you too much, I'll admit I may not have the same faith in you again," she felt the guilt multiply then. "But, Bell, I'm willing to try, I. Love. You. Don't ever forget that." He saw her brighten up then, and it made him smile. "Bella, if you'll permit me, I have a question." She just nodded her head in approval. " Well, this will surprise every one but, B'Elanna Torres, will you be my wife?" She looked at him in shock," But, how a decision I made almost killed you?" she said in a shaky voice, then she saw the punch coming. He felt bad about doing it, but she said, to punch her, so he did. "What the hell was that for!?" B'Elanna screamed at Tom, he looked at her and smiled. " Well baby, you said if you started doing that to punch you, so." Then she thought about an idea, "Tom, how long have you been awake?" Then she saw his smile grow, "Long enough to know that you do love me."

Ten days later, Tom and B'elanna Paris were married by Janeway for the second time. Now as the reception was winding down, Harry stod up. "Attention, attention all, I have an announcement to make." Every one stopped talking and looked to him, " It's so good to see Tom, and B'Elanna happy again, but Bell, if you ever do that again, or you Tom, I'll string you my self." They saw the smile on his face, but they knew that he was fully capable of what he said he would do.

About ten minutes later B'Elanna rose up to speak. "When this started, it was a big mistake on my part, and I realized that as soon as I did it. Now I can't ask you all to forgive me, but I can ask you all to understand why I did what I did, and put it in the past." The crowd all said, "Good, we forgive you already!" Then she spoke again, "You have no idea how that makes me feel, but I have one more thing to add, not even Tom knows." This got all there attention again, "I and Tom, are" she looked all around then to Tom. "Tom, and I are expecting a child," She looked out to the crowds shocked expression, then to Tom, she saw only pure joy. Then she yelled, "I'm pregnant!" And the entire crew clapped their hands in joy as Tom picked her up.

8 months later, the crew was back in the Alpha Quadrant, but even that could not compare to the joy on both Tom's and B'Elanna's faces, as they showed there parents there perfect little twins, one boy and one girl. "B'Elanna," her father and mother said at the same time, having reconciled, and gotten married just months before. " There beautiful." Her mom finished for him. Then Tom's dad chimed in, " Well, we both know that there parents are good looking so it would only make sense that there good looks would extend to there kids." Just as they all saw Tom start to give a response, B'Elanna saw a grin pass on her newborn son. "Tom, I think he has your grin." She said smiling. " What, you mean the 'Paris grin'" He said in retort, "My boy has a grin named after him." Owen Paris said, the same grin on his face. " Dad, it's the grin you have on now." Then Owen looked at his son, and smiled" Well boy it's a family trait, all of us Paris have had it, it's inescapable." Then B'Elanna's mother laughed, and they all joined in.

_Well a happy ending, I may put a follow up story, so please, please, please r&r it's the only way I'll know what you want. _


End file.
